Tips for Dating the Minotaur – Stephen Kelly

When kissing the Minotaur, get a firm grip on his horns

It’s your best chance to avoid a concussion

Make plenty of noise when you enter the labyrinth

You don’t want to surprise the Minotaur

But don’t whistle

He hates whistling

The Minotaur likes oats

Also, scrambled eggs

Also, the brains of heroes he vanquishes

You can never flatter the Minotaur enough

But don’t ever, ever look at his snout

Or ask about his mom

Don’t chew gum

The Minotaur will think you’re making fun of him

And don’t turn your back on the Minotaur

This may invite a charge

When uncertain, treat the Minotaur as you would a toddler

Holding a stick of dynamite

In one hand

And a match

In the other

Flowers work, sometimes

And always bring a ball of string to find your way out

Whatever you do, don’t tug on the Minotaur’s tail

No matter how many times he asks you

 

 

 

Stephen Kelly lives in Portland with his wife and son. His work has appeared in
1001 Journal. He sold, boxed and shipped books and magazines working for
a craft brewers association years ago.

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