We should fear the ocean.
Something we know without being told.
Enter extremity:
A shifting mass
Easily knocking us to the sand
With such obvious
Unrestrainable
Power.
I almost died in the ocean once
But breath broke through
The suffering void
And aspiring skin
Touched the shore again.
Since that haunted evening
The sea and I
Have a complicated relationship.
I can’t help the rush of memories
The flash of dark places
The terror-chilled sensations
Always accompanying
Any marine interaction.
But after nearing demise
A perplexing bond emerged
Between me
And my would-be
Liquid
Assassin.
Some unseen part
I left out there
Replaced
With insatiable
Salt water
Desire.
When reunited with the sea
I take the opportunity
To throw out my arms
Dash to the waves
And submerge
Letting its salty fingers
Touch every part of me.
Is this literal immersion therapy?
Some strange pilgrimage
To near-death trauma?
Some twisted
Nautical
Codependency?
Or maybe the sea
Enticing me
Is just a closeted
L’appel du vide?
Whether I have the words
To describe what it is
Really doesn’t matter.
When breaking the surface
And gulping relief
I can’t help but feel renewed.
A change of the winds
A shift in perception
Are welcome detours,
I undoubtedly needed.
And perhaps the threat
Of losing one’s breath
Will always be motivation
To live more vibrantly.
But in this fog of unknowns
Swayed by storms of doubt
And tides of forgetfulness
What still rises to certainty
Is the clear emergence
Of my seaworthy soul
And that’s truly something
I thank the waves for.
Nicholas Yandell is a composer, who sometimes creates with words instead of sound. In those cases, he usually ends up with fiction and occasionally poetry. He also paints and draws, and often all these activities become combined, because they’re really not all that different from each other, and it’s all just art right?
When not working on creative projects, Nick works as a bookseller at Powell’s Books in Portland, Oregon, where he enjoys being surrounded by a wealth of knowledge, as well as working and interacting with creatively stimulating people. He has a website where he displays his creations; it’s nicholasyandell.com. Check it out!