A Quick Personal Tour of My Dreams – Dan Heise

When I was young, I dreamed of being a baseball player.

A common Midwest dream

I played second base in Little League 

Smoothed the dirt in front of me, waited for my opportunity. 

A good glove, an awful bat though. 

I struck out more times than I can count,

Realized this wasn’t a living

This was just a hobby I enjoyed doing.

In eighth grade I wrote a newspaper article for an assignment 

My teacher loved it

She told me I could be a journalist 

Suddenly my future started to open up in front of me 

I wrote short stories and poems 

People asked what I wanted to do for college 

And for the first time I had an answer 

“I want to be journalist,” I would say 

Writing didn’t seem so farfetched any more

I began to look at journalism schools 

Mizzou seemed like a good choice, I could live with my grandmother in Columbia. 

That is, until my junior year

When by chance I was watching Fight Club (with commentary)

And I realized how fun it would be to be an actor 

I told my parents I wanted to study theater 

They were immediately on board and helped me look for schools 

My dream becoming a reality 

Then came the applying, auditioning, waiting 

Acceptance, rejection, decision. 

I chose a school. I followed my dream. 

I graduated. I am still following my dream. 

Those are the capital D Dreams I have had;

The ones people always wanna know about. 

The ones they ask about. 

“What did you wanna be when you grow up? 

What did you dream of doing?” 

They never wanna know about the smaller ones. 

They never wanna know about my sophomore year of high school 

When I formed a band that practiced once 

Dreaming of becoming rock stars, like half my high school. 

We played through Steady As She Goes by the Raconteurs in my basement

And that was the end of that. 

They never wanna know about the time I cut off a sliver of my left middle finger

While chopping basil at a job I hated 

And immediately dreamed of telling this story on a talk show as a famous actor. 

They never wanna know about turning 24 and wanting to move to Portland 

Because Portland had more television show opportunities than St. Louis 

And I dreamed of one day being in television. 

I achieved that dream, 

After standing behind the scenes of “The Librarians” for 10 hours, 

In the most uncomfortable shoes ever, 

And yet I still had the biggest grin on my face. 

But they never wanna know about after that. 

How I cried to my parents less than a month later 

Because I hated my roommate and I couldn’t find any other work. 

I dreamed of something terrible happening so I would have an excuse to move back home.

They never wanna know about senior year of college 

When I wrote the first poem I actually loved 

(“Does It Mean Anything When a Girl Wears My Shorts”) 

And thought that maybe I was ok at this whole writing thing 

And dreamed of showing everyone. 

They never ask about later my senior year

When I finished writing my first play 

(“Janus (Like the God)”) 

And gained even more confidence in this whole writing thing 

And dreamed of everyone seeing it. 

They never wanna know about how I finished my second play recently 

(“I Will Betray You, and I Will Kill You”) 

And I have still submitted nothing 

Yet I still dream of my works being read and performed. 

They never wanna know about turning thirteen and falling in love on the internet with a girl in Montana 

And how I fell so head over heels in love with her I dreamed of being with her forever. 

They never wanna know about how she got married 8 years later 

And now every once in a while I dream of her at night and feel guilty, yet I still miss her. 

They never wanna know about how sometimes, I dream of her coming to Portland 

So I can finally say hello in person.  

They never wanna know about how I still sometimes dream of something terrible at home happening 

Just so I have an excuse to go back 

Because some days I get so homesick I can’t stand it. 

They never wanna know about my daydreams, 

And how half of them involve people saying good things about me when I’m not around. 

No one asks about the lowercase D dreams I have had. 

The dreams scattered in between all the other ones

And no one ever 

Ever 

EVER 

Asks me about my DREAM 

All capital letters.

The large one that prevails over everything else I do. 

The one I discovered my senior year of high school. 

I want to inspire. 

I want to make people happy 

I want to be kind, so others will be kind. 

I want to help, so others will help. 

I want to be myself, so others will know that they can be themselves. 

In the end, 

I will inspire you. 

And you cannot stop me from dreaming this. 

 I dream. 

I Dream. 

I DREAM.


Dan Heise is an actor and writer originally from St. Louis, now living in Portland. He occasionally works at Powell’s City of Books. He enjoys reading plays and young adult novels, and enjoys writing plays and poems. Dan discovered that he dreams more vividly when he drinks Pepsi. Somehow, he rarely dreams about Lord of the Rings or puns.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close