The best friend a person has … is one who has just died.
-Colonel Aureliano Buendía
The Dandies used unflavored sparkling water to wash shaving cream from the bay window / They used a rhinestone encrusted seltzer siphon from a forgotten vaudeville act that closed long before prohibition & whistled show tunes while wiping away the white / The gaudy bottle was a wedding present & since they quit drinking they mostly used it to mix mocktails / The Dandies loved mixing shrubs & sodas during all day brunches & book exchanges / Lately the bottle attracted another kind of spirit who would spend all night making soda out of almost anything / From orange juice to chicken stock the spirit transformed every liquid in the kitchen into soda before moving onto grapes in the crisper / Mouthwash was carbonated in the bathroom next to ruined bottles of Chanel & Yves Saint Laurent / The spirit was trapped in a party lifestyle The Dandies outgrew before their life on Peacock Lane / Drums of oil & turpentine in the garage started sparkling overnight before The Dandies thought to pass the bottle off to the chairwoman of the HOA decoration subcommittee / She looked at the glittering peace offering skeptically as if she had never been given a gift in her life & The Dandies assured her they meant no harm as long as she was serious about her soda / A bubbly personality deserves a pretty little spritzer they offered with a wink & a smile / And before it even got rolling the war of the sexy leg lamp seemed over / Thanks to a haunted heirloom that used to belong to the world’s oldest family of clowns / And good old fashioned bribery.
Check the basement for more carbonated liquids
Invite the chairwoman over for Sunday brunch
RJ Equality Ingram works as a used bookseller for Goodwill Industries of the Columbia Willamette. Their first collection of poetry The Autobiography of Nancy Drew is forthcoming from White Stag Publishing in early 2024. RJ received their MFA in creative writing from Saint Mary’s College of California with concentrations in poetry & creative nonfiction. More work can be found in Phoebe Journal, Miniskirt Magazine & Citron Review among others. RJ’s cat Brenda lost a leg designing her memory palace.